Research

Such a grad student topic. I came to know of a guy who was doing research on "swear words used during medieval times". From the face of it it looks like some fraud research topic but to think of it it's a very difficult topic. How do you get all such data..certainly there is no literature on it..He actaully went through the court proceedings (yes!! court proceedings of times 700-800 years early exist in some european countries thanks to no natural disasters..) for them..He went through documents with no grammar or standard spelling which is very painfull...

Oh yes!! I know you guys want to know the conclusion..So one of the most offensive used swear words were "GOD's dick"..and people had been hanged for uttering these words..

This guy happens to be the brother of one of the profs in my lab. And after he told this we had a long discussion on how every culture has its swear words some of which dont make any sense at all when translated..for eg. choot ke pakode and jhant ke pasine..On hearing jhant ke pasine..the prof goes like "thats interesting..pubic hair is such an insignificant thing and so is sweat..why would you guys even use this!!"..

The post doc in my lab told abt how dutch people just say some words with the swear words just to have rhyming effect :). So guys we are not alone who come of with innovative things such as -

behen ke ghode ..
choot pakode...
maar ja laude..

Any ways I feel rather than the words it's the situation when you use it has impact upon the guy on receiving end..

ps: Yaar bahut din se kuch nahin likha tha aur kuch chamak nahin raha tha so this ..would come up with better topics next time..:)

Who wants Mokhsya?

Mokhsya is defined as the state where you know everything that is there to be learned. You have no material feelings and no desires. Nothing can make you sad or happy. In the state of Mokhsya you have your union with the one. You become the ONE.

Hindu Philosophy says that all living beings go through the cycle of life and death trying to achieve the Mokhsya. Until you achieve that state you will have to pass through all the pain of material life again and again and again. And our purpose of life should be to achieve mokhsya.

But given a choice, I would rather like to go through this life again. It hasn’t been that bad after all. I would want to again go through the playful and carefree childhood. Again go through the entertaining youth. Again bring smiles to the faces of people I love. Celebrate with them in their moments of triumph, console them in their moments of sorrow. Basically, I want to live this life again rather than being transformed into something with no feelings like a rock. I might be wrong in my whole interpretation but if I am right then I will try hard to do things so that I never achieve mokhsya.

"He was just doing his job!!"

"You must have shit in your pants!!" I said laughing out loudly. Ritesh sulked.
"Yeah, when you have the sharp edge of rampuri knife touching your throat I dont think you have many options!!!"
"Abey yeah very bad. These guys should be made to suffer in jail"
"No man, he was a nice guy. Good at heart. He was just doing his job."

* * * * * * * *

Ritesh was returning from another hindi flick. As the road was very busy he was taking the underground crossing. He was still thinking about the scene where aishwarya ray bends down for that now famous taal shot. He was oblivious to his surroundings. If he would have paid a little more attention then he would have realized that two guys who didn't look like meaning any good buissness were advancing towards him. Suddenly Ritesh felt as if he was flying in air and before he realised he was pressed against the sidewall..

"Sale humare area ki ladki ko chhedega?? madarchod"
"Ji aapko galat fahmi ho rahi hai. Meine kisi ladki ko nahin chheda!! "
"Chutiya dikh raha hun kya? Behenchod, tereko aaj batate hain ki ladki ko chhedane se kya hota hai?"

As one of the guys was doing all this talking the other one has been looking around and on finding no one around pulled out his rampuri from his pocket. The guy holding Ritesh lets him go. But before he can have a breath he senses the knife on his throat. And this was the time when he shit in his pants.

"Ji jitna paisa lena he lelo..please marna mat." Saying this Ritesh gives his wallet and watch to these two goons.

"Kafi samajhdar hai be..Sabko itana deemag hota to humara kaam bhi jaldi hota..sale aadhe timetak rote rahatey hain ki humne kisi ladki ko nahin chheda..maa ke laudoon..hume bhi maloom hain tumne kissi ko nahin chheda" ..With this they let go of Ritesh and started running towards the exit.

Ritesh was just trying to come out of this trauma when he heard the deadly voice again.

"Abey bus ke liey paise hain tere pas..yeh le panch rakh..chal phir"

He forces 5 ruppees into Ritesh's trembling hands and runs towards his compatriot who is waiting very restlessly.

* * * * * * *

To this day Ritesh still vouches that the man who robbed him of everything but Rs. 5 was much better than most of the other humans on the face of the earth.

The Award

It had been a tough week for Lal Bihari but the sweat had been worth it. Half the battle was won. He at last got his passport. After so many rejects, near-misses, heart-breaks he at last made it. Come on you guys must be thinking getting a passport is no big deal!! But he overcame a handicap that you can’t even imagine – He was DEAD!! Now the next hurdle, the US visa.

* * * * *

Govind comes running into the house. He is panting, wants to say something but words won’t come out of his mouth. The expression on his face is of complete astonishment.

“Bihari, who log tumhari zameen le gaye!! Kahtey hain tum mar gaye ho!! Saath mein police bhi hai!! Hum lut gaye, barbad ho gaye”

“Oye Govind! Kya bol raha hai? Pagala gaya hai kya? ”

“Arey nahin Bihari kaka..jamnagar mein jo aapke mama hain who aaye hain!! Kahatey hain peechale mahine ke train accident mein aapka dehant ho gaya..kuch to bahi-khata bhi leke aaye hian..”

“Uske kahane se kya hota hai? Tu chal mere saath..mere zinda hotey koi meri zameen nahin chheen sakata”

Yeah only if he could have proven he was alive his land would have been his own..But his uncle had all the evidences. Bihari had no chance in front of law..his uncle had a paper from the court and land registry office stating that the land now belongs to him after the death of his nephew Lal Bihari. Lal Bihari did all he could..cried, wailed, shouted loudly “arey bhai mein zinda hun..meri zameen mat chhino mujhse..mein zinda hun”..but to no avail..It was clearly written on the paper “Lal Bihari: Dead, in the train accident”..It also had the district collector’s signature on it..now it was Lal Bihari’s walking, talking cadaver against the word of the collector…Of course he was dead..Why couldn’t he understand sucha simple fact.. His uncle infact tried to console him from the grief of his very own death!!

So, his land was taken away from him. He could do nothing but just look at his uncle reaping the harvest from it. But Bihari didn’t give up. He decided to fight against this injustice. He tried his level best to prove that he was alive. He tried to run for parliament, kidnapped the son of the uncle who had stolen his property, threatened murder, insulted judges, threw leaflets listing his complaints at legislators in the state assembly and demanded a widow's pension for his wife. But this was not enough in the eyes the law. It’s not for fun that people made movies called “Andha Kanoon”. He was arrested after his acts and duly placed in prison. After all everybody knows how harmful dead people can be to our society!! And the law enforcement officials see to it that we lead a safe life.

* * * * *

The turning point of his “dead” life came when he decided to join hands with other dead people like him. He became the founder and first president of “Association of dead people”. To his surprise there were hundreds of his kind in the state. Shocking!! How people couldn’t see so many dead people walking all around them. Their combined efforts soon started reaping results.

It took 18 years of hard struggle of Lal Bihari for people to finally see the signs of life in him. Law could no longer attribute his actions to “late” Lal Bihari. He got his land back. He was happy. But the icing on the cake was when he got a letter from the “Association for Faltu Activities”. They had decided to award him “The AFA peace award” for his outstanding achievement of championing the cause of dead people who have been the most neglected faction of human society in whole history!! The award ceremony was to be held in washington, DC where president George Bush was to give him the award.

That night before sleeping Lal Bihari said to himself “At last, I can die in peace!!”

-Inspired by true adventures of Lal Bihari, who was awarded the Ignoble peace award in 2003.

Does democracy work?

I was always against reservation policy of Indian govn. . I am sure all the great minds behind its inception never wanted it to be this way. The way it is being implemented right now doesn’t come close to serving its purpose – “To provide equal opportunity to all across the society”. If you observe carefully you can see that this has done nothing but raise the gulf between the rich and poor of the scheduled castes and tribes. I agree it was started with a noble intention but if something hasn’t worked for 50 years don’t you think time has come to try something else. How can people be so blind? This has infact lead to India’s society being divided into two categories – reserved and unreserved.

But the most ridiculous thing is reservation in the house of representatives – the Lok sabha and Rajya sabha. I expected that in modern India, it’s youth will rise against such policies. But to my surprise a large group in India who almost form 50% of the population (read women) are asking for their reservation in the houses. Infact they project themselves being very fair as they are asking only for 33% of the seats. Bullshit. Any demand for reservation in the representative houses is based on three assumptions –

One, only members of one group can help others in that group. Two, Parliament must function like a pollster's sample group and constitute an exact reflection of the composition of society. And three, people don't vote as they should. Combination of these three assumptions cries out loudly - DEMOCRACY SIMPLY DOESN’T WORK.

So those fighting for this noble cause should first decide what they are fighting for. If such a large population fights for a just cause like removing reservation from all aspects of Indian society then I guess India will be a much better democracy as well as country. This is what I feel!!

Artistic Liberty

Yesterday I read an article about Indian govn. banning smoking scenes from movies!! Why? Coz they think it makes smoking look stylish and kids copy on it. Now movie-makers say they project the society and they show it because thats the reality. I feel the govn is taking a short-cut solution to the problem. I think the right solution should be to advertise against smoking and leave the decision to the people. Govn. can not and shouldn't start taking decisions for the citizens.

But on the same site I read a report about some sikh organisation (SPGA or something) calling for the cutting of scenes in a movie showing a sikh girl doing drugs!!!! If the above mentioned ban was ridiculous I dont know what to call this one.

But then I realised we come from a country where people in a train can be burnt to death just coz they were returning from certain place..In retaliation thousands can be killed...media can fuel fire to it and make sure more people get killed..Every body makes sure to benefit from the situation at the expense of common man..It doesn't matter which faith, cast or sect he belongs to. I don't know what others think but in such a sensitive country I guess it makes more sense for the govn to take decisions to stay out of trouble rather than thinking about artistic liberty!!! For me human lives are a higher priority than satisfaction for some one off film maker..

Jeongwook learns about India..

This is about how my friend Jeongwook (He prefers to be called Allen due to unknown reasons)got educated about India. It happened in bits and pieces and I am going to just mention some of these situations.

Lesson 1: Indians can speak english!

Me and Allen going to pick up golu from airport when he arrived in US for the first time.

Allen: Does your friend know english. I mean can he get around if we are a lil late.
Me: He is pretty good at english. And for the records I could also speak english before I reached US. We infact Indians do almost all of their higher education in english.

Lesson 2: Internet exists in India.

Me: I don't prefer to check e-mails in India.
Allen: You mean you can check it if you want. Is internet that accessible in India!
Me: Most of urban India and some parts of rural India has internet connection.

Lesson 3: There is satellite television in India and Indians watch many American channels.

Allen: So which all global programs do you watch in India?
Golu: X-files, Simpsons, Friends, infact all of your cartoon channels, and a lot of music and movie channels
Allen: wow!!
Wrong conclusion by Allen: So 50cents must be very popular in India!!

But the most funny of these conversations was actually the one in which Allen explained me the probable reason why Americans have such wrong notions about Indians.

Me: I am amazed why do most americans think like this about India when they can see so many well educated Indians around them?

Allen: The only hit movie in US which dealt with Indians through out the 80's was Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom. I guess you have a clue now!!!

'How do u get a girl, man?'

We are having this nice talk abt Thesis, Phd, Latex and everything else when Bhuvan asks "How do u get a girl, man?"

I am sure you have been in this situation in some exam, where you felt terribly helpless and very angry on the professor coz the question he has asked is out of the syllabus and simply can not be answered. I felt not exactly but something similar to it.

"Abey!! yeh kya hai??"

"No, man tell me. How do u get a girl? See you are a phd here. By the time you finish it you will be 28. I am sure your mom will find a girl for you then. In fact you will be running around her, asking her desparately to find one. In case you didn't realise, when you decided to get into Phd, you basically signed an arranged marriage agreement!!!"

Teaun!! This is the sound that comes from Mac's heart when sudden realisation dawns upon him. Now who is Mac is a not related to this blog. But for records he is just another guy.

Before I can come out of this Teaun, the hammer strikes again "Ok, Saurav! You tell me 'How will you get a girl, man???'. Suppose you meet up with a girl in a pub. What will be your conversation?"

---------Pub scene. Dhik chik Dhak chik music playing------

After initial pleasantaries...

Girl: What do you do?
You: Err!! hmm!! I am a student. I mean not exactly. I do research. You can say somewhere between 'a man with a job' and a student.
G: So how much do you make out of it?
Y: (Teaun affect again!!) Lets just say that I get a stipend.
G: Oh!! may be thats why you couldn't buy me that drink.

-----------Back to reality-----------------------------------

"So, Do you think you will get a girl like this? I am sure no. I have seen some indian grads settleing down with some other phds. But I think thats sad!! They reach a position in their life when any thing will do. They want to use it before the expiry date is over!!!"

(Can't this guy talk anything better than this!! I am sure I am going to have nightmares on it tonite!!)

"Abey!! Lets start an indian grad what-do-they-call-it matrimonial. I think we will make good money as well as will be doing something good for our fellow grads."

"This is the first good thing you have said today. But all this time I was thinking and at last got a way to get a girl! Finish Phd, get a great job, have tons of money and money will bring the girls!! And now you can leave so that I can sleep in peace!!"

I was happy. Swelling with pride that I atlast found the answer to the out-of-the-syllabus, can't-be-answered question !! Just than Bhuvan psyched me out!!

"Man!! how do you think to get a job with so much money after PHD??"

GRE

Fact 1: Indians find the GRE quant test extremely easy compared to the analytical test. (This test has been changed to essays siince 2003.)

Fact 2: Americans find GRE quant and analytical tests to be of the same difficulty level.

Discussion: It's not just that the americans find quant tougher, they find analytical test much easier than us. (Conclusion after discussing with the set of two americans !!) A bunch of guys(lukkhe PHDs from Hopkins) had a discussion on this on their way from library to "One world" for dinner. Here is the accepted conclusion.



The analytical test is about understanding a situation, assimilating the given data and analyzing it. So if the situations given are well known to the candidate he/she feels very comfortable with it and solves it quickly. On the other hand even if the situation is easy but involves alien terms the candidate becomes very careful. Indians get thrown off on seeing a question like jonathan was watching a baseball game with his friends julian and blah blah. They take time to understand and misinterpret it as difficulty. If the question would have been Krishna ramamurthy went to watch a kabbadi game with veera venkataramana, then the americans will find it a lot more tougher.

- The giant panda